Let’s write a script for a Movie starring Sam
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Here’s the Plot. Sam is self employed and operates a business from home at a pimped out desk with three 27″ 1500R monitors side by side with all of the bells an whistles. He wakes up as fresh as a daisy but by the end of the movie he is a psychotic mess. I don’t know why, but it seems a little bit appropriate for Sam to play such a character. Perhaps there’s a bit of truth to it question mark.
It’s similar in plot to Richard Pryor’s “Moving” but with an interwebs setting. So, I encourage everyone to post their interweb frustrations here so that it becomes a data base for a script. I will be first to post since I am currently being screwed around with an online application with a Government department and it is this that has prompted me to come up with the idea and defect to Funkytime.tv for a bit of relief. It’s only 9am and I’ve already had 4 coffees. So, please add your frustrations too.
How’s these business emails hey. I just attached a bunch of files from my standard issue free gmail account and sent it to an Administer of Administrative Administration within the department of Administrative Administration whose job it is to say “No” as much as possible and create hurdles to any process involving red tape to give them the feeling of authority and self-importance even though in reality they are hindering our path towards technological singularity and a simple spreadsheet could replace their jobs. I got a message too big reply because they don’t have enough capacity in their government email server to receive more than a few documents at a time in which case they’ll still receive just as many documents in their server anyway after I inconveniently send several emails with said documents attached just the same.
Got another one already. Bpayed something with a ref. no. that had so many zeros in a row in it I got dyslexic. Fingers crossed, I paid the right account.
Just got the “Contact Us” version of a Rick Roll. I rang Lonovo to check up on my fully compatible with Linux laptop order. I selected the right option after listening to all of their options patiently and went through their whole automated process b4 being told I should ring during business hours!
It was an excellent Schlonging.
That brings me to Microsoft. They are renowned for installing or downloading for ages before telling you at the end of it that you don’t have enough storage space or your version is non compatible. No, they haven’t thought of a bit of code to check these things beforehand even after decades in the biz.
The “Administer of Administrative Administration within the department of Administrative Administration” was pure brilliance. I have to deal with similar departments myself, on a too regular basis, being self-employed as I am.
This list of frustrations could go forever. I stuck my USB zip drive in, had to flip it the other way, then had to flip it back to the original orientation and finally pushed it in only to have it slide back into it’s own protective sleeve instead of the port.
Back already. Was just checking to see if I could get a govt. grant from this lockdown. It wasn’t too bad to get to the application portal this time but no, I need employees to be eligible for an all expenses paid vacation at home worth $10,000
But it did remind me of sites like ASIC and other govt. departments and here’s how they go:
You get to the home page and find the link you are looking for. Then it has a “find out more” link which tells you what you already know which is why you are searching for the how to apply portal in the first place. Then it has a link called “How to apply” which doesn’t open up an application portal but rather information on how to apply. This may mention the highly sought portal in which to apply that has a fancy name like “Econagov” so you click on it only to find yourself back to the start page which also had a brief description of it.
So you give up and Google “Econagov” and get ads from Amazon and ebay for the best priced econagov on the market.
This script writes itself
Introducing Edgar at some point in the movie. As you can tell by the name no self respecting Westerner is calling himself Edgar. So of course he’s a service consultant/call centre operator in a cube farm in New Delhi. His real name is Kash Din. But let’s just call him Edgar.
Naturally when Sam has to register a new ABN, 1300 Name number, business name or what not he can’t find the portal or make heads or tails of the process. That’s where the middle men like Edgar come into the picture. Edgar is not the mastermind. He’s just trying desperately to get a lead so he hasn’t wasted the last 15hrs of his life for nothing and there is no end to what he is willing to say to seal the deal. Finding the real masterminds behind it would require tracking though a labyrinth of Companies and trusts set up in Vietnam that ultimately leading back to Barclay’s Bank in London and the Rothschilds. Just like Bitconnect.
So Edgar is the front man for all sorts of businesses which for all he knows are legitimate. You see, if a sales rep believes in the product then he is more likely to sell it. So Edgar also has three shitty monitors set up, one for each company he works for. A Commodities scam, a middleman for setting up something that is free but you don’t know how to set up yourself and Customer support at Optus.
I take this experience from a telemarketer who wanted to sell me a 1300 NAME ph. no. for the low low price of just $79 a month or so. So I thought, “this has got to be a rort. I can get it cheap as I know.” I found an organisation called the ACMA. So I got a number forever for $250. I just had to activate in within 2 years on a plan. I got a set up to re-direct to my mobile phone.
I knew a guy who paid a few hundred dollars for an ABN too.
I also know a guy who put $5000 to invest in a “commodities” scam. I thought, “Wow. A sucker is born every minute”. That was 8 years ago. By now his portfolio should be worth about 8 trillion dollars at the investment return they promised.
“Sam Creature 2.0 but its not owo”
I may be reading the code wrong but on the surface it seems like it’s:
“Pretentious virtue signalling designed to establish oneself as an elite within his or her peer group/genre by casting out others as outsiders using “insider code” that only others within the “inner sanctum” can understand. A form of social parasitical cannibalism to em-better oneself at the expense of others.”
I like it. I really like it. We really need to work shop this character.
This movie wouldn’t work without a total arsehole in the script. Got anything else?
Got schlonged by Excel this time. It opened a CSV file and converted the text to numbers which only has so many decimal places but these being serial numbers are too long for that so excel gave them a power of 17 and now all 40 of my serial numbers round off to useless numbers.
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